Honey, I Shrunk the Akatsuki!
by Koplak from the Equator
Summary: Pein had a new gun and shrinks the Akatsuki, save for him and Konan. Madara had to lead the nine Lilliput minions across the enlarged HQ to find the gun and return to their normal size. Sequel of 'I Spy'. 90% craziness and fun! Rated for language.
1. Guns Are For Big Boys and Bosses

**Honey, I Shrunk the Akatsuki!**

* * *

**The Akatsuki is back! Madara/Tobi is back too! I love writing this two, so from now on, my main focus is Akatsuki!**

**Tobi: Yay!! NXK writes Tobi again!**

**Madara: He writes me too, you know. And, hey, you have your body! Again...**

**NXK: Yes, I like the idea of making the Invincible Kagebunshin No Jutsu. Admit it Madara, I make you look cooler than ever.**

**Madara: Bah! Whatever! Hey, the readers are waiting! They click this story not to see us commenting in _the beginning_ of the story.**

**NXK: Oh, yeah! Go scroll downward, people!**

* * *

**-1- Guns Are For Big Boys and Bosses -1-**

"Madara! Look!" Pein exclaimed cheerfully.

"Yes, Pein, I've been sitting here, glomped by Tobi for the last fifty minutes while you were busy with that new plasma gun." Madara groaned in boredom. He grabbed a small towel from his pocket and wiped the saliva slavering to his face. For those who haven't read 'I Spy' yet, in my Akatsuki fic, Madara and Tobi were split personalities and Madara has this jutsu modification from Kagebunshin which if used it, enabled him to give a solid body for Tobi for a few days, depending on the chakra channeled to the jutsu.

"OK, sorry for the waiting." Pein took a deep breath. "I introduce you: Shrinkanator 9000!!! It shrinks objects, animals, even humans! My objective is to shrink all villages and rule them without have to cause damage! With the ninjas small like ants, there is nothing to be feared."

"Uh-huh…then what are we gonna do to the villages? Put them in an upside-down fishbowl? And display them in the living room? What about the resources we are supposed to get from these villages? I ain't eating Lilliput rice!"

"Use the people as dolls?" asked Tobi, un-glomping Madara for a brief moment before glomping back again.

Madara laughed, "Konan would love to have more doll collection! But, seriously, if the villages are gone, where are we gonna buy groceries? Or DVD's? Or where could Tobi play when I went to candy shop buying his candies? And have you even tried that on something or someone?"

"Yes. I've tried it on this elephant and this 1009 pages encyclopedia."

"How about people?"

"Um…my gun recharged when I was about to use it on Itachi, so I decided to wait for a few days until it has fully recharged. Luckily, it has recharged today!"

"OK, fair enough. Do you have any ideas how to return this petit elephant to its normal size?" Madara asked as he carried the elephant that unintentionally dropped its poop to Pein's floor.

"Of course!" Pein backed away a little, trying to find the reversible switch. Sweat-drops. Pein couldn't find the switch and he was freaking out silently.

"OW! Tobi! You just bit my head!" Madara scowled, yanking his head off of Tobi's large mouth.

"Tobi is sorry, Madara. Tobi promise it won't happen again!" Tobi apologized before giving Madara a full-loving hug.

"Could you two get a room and make out there already?" Pein sinisterly asked.

Madara and Tobi stunned, three seconds later, Tobi fell to the floor, staggering like a carp out of the pond. Madara choked on nothing in particular, "The fuck you were asking?! Even if the world turns red, I am not going to make out with this creature!!! That would be incest, since we consider ourselves as brothers!"

"Oh, yeah, you're right."

"So…how to reverse the effect?" Madara asked again.

This time, Pein stunned. He stammered uncontrollably and fidgeted. By this moment, Madara realized that Pein had just bought himself some time which he failed to use by telling him and Tobi to make out somewhere.

"This proven that your Shrinkanator 9000 was just a visionary made real and useless for our world domination main project. I don't want a small world to rule, Pein, but the life-size world! We earn more if the resources are bigger, yet that may cause more natural disasters. So, I'm sorry, Akatsuki can't use this gun." Madara patted Pein's shoulders and pulled the still staggering Tobi to the dining room for their lunch.

Pein's shoulders drooped. "All my hard work…useless!" Pein strolled to his bed and lay down on it. He turned his head and found himself gazing at the summer photo where Madara and Tobi used to slip a mini camera in it. Now the camera was no longer there. The photo reminded him on something and he smirked evilly.

Meanwhile, before the dining room…

"Would you just stop staggering and stand?!" Madara scolded. He rudely dropped Tobi's feet down as the kid got up to his feet.

"Tobi couldn't believe it…"

"Shut. Up. I couldn't believe it either." They stared at each other before shivering and gagging. "Promise not to speak of that again?"

"Promise!" The now brothers shook hands in agreement and greeted the wonderful scent of Konan's spaghetti.

"Hey, right on time." Konan said, as he put some spaghetti sauce on Deidara's plate.

"Woohoo! Spaghetti!" Tobi cheered and sat on his usual chair. "Tobi wants many spaghetti!!!" Tobi hollered. A tomato was then thrown onto his mask."Madara! HEEELP!! Tobi is bleeding!!!" he screeched when he saw the tomato dripped on to the table.

"You're not bleeding, you fat face! It's just a tomato thrown by Deidara!"

"Oh. Ew! Tobi hates tomatoes! Madara, clean them please?"

"Why should I do that?"

Tobi thought for a while, "Coz Tobi and Madara are—"

"Right, touché." Then Madara resentfully wiped the tomato out of Tobi's face.

"You guys are getting sweeter by the moment…" Konan sighed. She was the only fan of Madara and Tobi's closeness. Hidan gagged as he heard that coming out of Konan's mouth. Deidara laughed out like crazy, while Tobi and Madara themselves were speechless.

"Pardon?" Madara asked carefully.

"Konan likes you guys!" Deidara said in-between laughter. "I suggest you have a threesome or something." Deidara laughed again, the bacon he held in his fork fell and successfully caught by Zetsu.

Madara twitched and threw Deidara the Edam cheese. "Don't talk bullshit! And you, woman, don't even think about it!"

"Madara, what's a—OOF!" Madara hit upside Tobi's head just to prevent him from speaking 'threesome'.

"Just give me my breakfast and no one shall laugh or speak!!"

The others obeyed. Apparently, since Madara showed himself up in 'I Spy' and reclaim his authority, he became a much dreadful leader and rather coersive than Pein. Yet his orders were straight and clear, leaving the others no add-up detail questions. If Madara said to bring him food, he meant it, and he will eat anything whatever his minions brought for him, even if it was only a rice cracker. It troubled Deidara though.

A crash just outside the dining room. Konan stood and left after saying, "I'm gonna check it out."

Madara just nodded and resumed eating. His ears soon caught the sound of footsteps he knew well as Pein's. But as he waited, Pein didn't show up and his footsteps stopped thumping. Madara's ears prickled, trying to catch any sound coming from out of the dining room.

Meanwhile, with Konan…

"What the hell is this?" Konan asked herself as she picked up the mini elephant by its hind legs.

Another crash, back in the dining room. "Better not another mini elephant."

* * *

A beam zapped the whole dining room and miniaturize most of the Akatsuki who were enjoying breakfast there, except Madara who had seen this coming and dodged it. He looked back and found his comrades were merely three inches tall.

"Pein…show your Rinnegan ass up."

"My, my, the true leader is sharp. I'm just testing my new gun on people. I told you I was about to try it today." Pein said, revealing himself.

"Yeah, but on eight people at once? This preposterous! Crap, I forgot that you don't know how to reverse us back…"

"Exactly, now stand still, Madara!"

Madara was about to run but mini Tobi was on the range so he couldn't go anywhere. He straightened himself, preparing to be miniaturized. He pointed his 'finger of doom' at Pein and said, "I'll get back to you, Deva. And once I did, me and the others are going to make you as Carmen's dinner."

Pein smirked, "Such talk. See you later, alligator!" Pein pulled the trigger and Madara groaned as his body shrunk to the size of an eraser. Pein chuckled darkly and left the dining room.

"Urgh…that jerk is so gonna pay." Madara grumbled.

"Madara! WAAAAAHHH!!! Tobi is so scared! Everything is so big! Everything sounds so loud too!" Tobi wailed as he ran towards Madara and hugged him for protection.

"I know, I see it. Where are the others?"

"Tobi saw Zetsu-san there! Tobi saw the others too, but they are so far away from us!"

"Tobi, we have teleportation jutsu, remember?" Madara asked, skewing his eye.

Tobi gulped, "But Tobi can't use it. Tobi doesn't understand!"

"What do you understand, except relationships?" Madara asked sardonically. "C'mon, I'll teleport you to Zetsu." Madara and Tobi soon disappeared from their current location.

* * *

"Shit." Itachi muttered as he stared at the blurry images of table and chairs. He was a Lilliput and he was severely near-sighted. The objects were now too big and too far from him; he couldn't tell where he was right now. Worst of all, he hadn't drink his medicines. "Kisame, where are you…?" he whispered. Deep inside, he wanted to scream for help but he was too aware that the others could hear it and will laugh at him later on.

He walked aimlessly straight ahead of him. He was hoping to see a blue blurry blob somewhere near his eyesight—if he still could tell which one was blue. He bumped his face on something and yelped. "What on Uchiha's name is this thing that blocked my way?!"

He rubbed on it and found that it was a wood; a huge ass piece of wood. "Where did this tree came from?" He looked up but found neither leaves nor branches, just blur. "Crappy eyesight, crappy landscape…" he continued swearing until he heard someone's voice.

"'Tachi-san!!!"

It was not mistaken. It was Kisame's voice. Itachi's eyes lit up in hope and looked around for a big blue blurry blob.

Kisame saw Itachi looking around and not even seeing him. He sighed, "What can you hope from a guy who nearly can't see everything?" he said to himself and called again. "Itachi-san! Turn to seven o'clock! That's it! Right, stop! I'm right here!!!" Kisame waved his arms wildly, even along with his Samehada (he carried it to breakfast, yes). "C'mon…see me…see me…"

Itachi heard Kisame's voice telling him to turn around. He did and Kisame told to stop and he did again. He squinted his eyes, hoping for a better vision. He saw what it seemed like a swung spotless-white mummy. That reminded him of something. "Oh! Kisameee!!!" Itachi shouted and waved back.

Kisame stared the ceiling, muttering, "Thank God!" and ran to his partner. Finally the partners united again. Kisame grinned, "Lost without me, are you?"

"Shut up. I was just fine." Itachi denied.

"Yeah, right. It took you a while to see me. And…that red mark. You must've bumped to the table leg, huh?"

"Table leg?"

"Yeah. You know that we're still in the dining room, right?" asked Kisame, making sure.

Itachi shook his head. "I thought Pein-sama shot us and zapped us to somewhere outside the base. Everything looks so different."

"That's…because we're shrinking."

"Oh. How come?"

Kisame mentally face-palmed, "Pein-sama's gun…"

"Oh! Right…"

A few moments later, both Itachi and Kisame threw their faces away from each other. Something between them had made them uncomfortable. They both forced a cough and Kisame said, "Well, let's…go get the others, shall we?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Unknown to both of them, as they picked up their feet, three people appeared behind Kisame and, "Hullo!" Madara rang. Kisame jumped in surprise and Madara slyly pushed him so he would fall. And, he did fall. Tumbling to Itachi and in the end Kisame was on all fours on top of Itachi who had gone redder than his Sharingan eyes.

"Oops…" Kisame simply said, out of amazement.

This position was too much for Itachi so he passed out. Madara was doubling over, laughing at the fun until his voice disappeared and he silently laughed. Zetsu too was laughing and Tobi only giggled.

"Grr…Madara!!" Kisame growled.

"AHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry, just can't stop…do naughty…things…HAHAHA!!! Oh, I love the way he faints! The most hilarious thing in the world!!!" Madara just couldn't stop laughing today.

"Pansy…" Black Zetsu remarked as he observed the fainting Itachi closely. Kisame shooed him off using his feet.

"We'll go fetch Hidan and Kakuzu, so somebody better volunteer to pick him up or I'm gonna incinerate him." Madara said, poking Itachi's side using his foot. Kisame shooed him off too. "Oh, you?"

"Of course! He's my partner!"

"That you love." Madara added.

"And I thought you were his teacher!"

"That he monotonously disrespects."

"And I thought you think of him like your own son!"

"Which is completely not true and I don't want a son like him."

"Were you just saying the truth?" asked Kisame.

"Trust him, Kisame-senpai." said Tobi, "When Madara lied, you could tell. Like this: Madara, do you love Tobi?"

"No." then the older Uchiha walked away.

"See? Madara just lied! Madara loves Tobi! Hugs!!!"

"Not now, dammit!"

"That didn't make any difference." Kisame said and he heaved Itachi onto his back.

"Hey, we're walking?" asked Zetsu.

"Yeah, duh! I ain't carrying you all with teleport. My limit is three people including myself."

"What?! Are you saying I have to carry him all the way till we find the Swearing Duo?" asked Kisame in disbelief.

"Well, unfortunately yes. But you're a strong guy, I'm sure you can carry him for hours, can't you? At least that's better than giving him to Zetsu or Tobi or even me. Your choice."

Anyway, Kisame carried Itachi all the way across the giant dining room. The sound of the oven provided the eerie stranded desert background sound.

* * *

**OK, so how's it? It's short, I know, but that's just the beginning!**

**More surprises in the Lilliput Island! And Pein and Konan!**

**Reviews please! For some reason out of normal, I craved for it.**


	2. Terror of Just One Bug

**Honey, I Shrunk the Akatsuki!**

**Terror of Just One Bug**

* * *

Konan rushed to the dining room and found that her 'customers' were no longer in their seats. She gaped then flushed in anger. "What is this?! They don't finish their meals! And Itachi didn't drink his medicines while I have clearly put them near his glass! Where's the appreciation, eh?"

Madara and his companions shut their ears using their hands as they heard Konan shouting in anger. Her voice turned to be overly loud for them. Once it stopped and Konan was still standing, Madara waved and jumped to get Konan's attention. "Hey, Konan!!! HEEEYYY!!! Down here, you diaper-folding woman!!!" However, Konan didn't budge and walked to sit on her table. "Crap, she didn't hear me. Tobi, you're good in screaming right? Call her as loud as you like."

"Really? Madara won't hit Tobi, right?"

"No, unless you failed."

Tobi jumped up and down and clapped his hands gleefully. He took a deep breath, opened his mask for a better projection and squawked, "_KOOONNAAAANNN-CHAAANNN!!!! HELP US DOWN HERE!! OVER HERE!!! HELLOOOO!! AGABOOGY BOOGY!! OOH-OOH AH-AH!!! WAAHHHUUAAA!! AA EE TOOKIE-TOOKIE!!!"_

Madara rolled his eyes and massaged his temples. Tobi's voice was way worse than Konan's. "Tobi, that's it. That's enough." he said. However, Tobi was too loud screaming, he couldn't hear the others speaking. Twitches… "TOBI!!! WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!!! YOU'RE DAMAGING MY BRAIN!!!"

"But Madara told Tobi—"

"Your help is enough! She can't hear us, we're way too small."

Tobi's shoulders dropped in hopelessness. "Aw, butter cookies…"

"Maybe if we burn down the table, she'll notice!" Zetsu suggested.

"Oh sure, then she'll gonna spray us with water and we'll get washed up to the sewers! And the only one's left is Kisame and his boyfriend!" Madara replied acerbically.

"Fish rules! Oh, and he's not my boyfriend!"

"Be quiet, Sushi!" Madara exhaled desperately and tiredly. "Let's keep moving, troops. Wait…" he glared at Zetsu. "You can teleport faster than me! Go find the rest of us!"

"Why bother using it now? We can use it when we're about to take down Pein-sama. That way, we'll be more energy efficient." Black Zetsu answered confidently. "Anyway, the gun, I assume, hasn't fully recharge. We could wait for a few days."

"How about eating?"

"We could fetch or steal some of them as we travel to Pein-sama's room. Don't worry, we, Zetsu, don't really eat human foods."

"Oh, but I do. Remember the bacon Deidara dropped? I ate it!" White Zetsu added.

"It's not nutritious! You're killing us!"

"I just wanna be normal…"

"Don't start sobbing, infant!"

"I'm not crying! I'm just being…sentimental!"

"Boohoo-hoo…"

"Stop mocking me!"

Madara smacked his forehead; Tobi rubbed his back. "These two-in-one sardine package wasted many valuable A4 spaces. Efficient my ass…"

"Madara, where do we start to go first?" asked Tobi.

"We'll just head outside the dining room. Probably we will bump to some people on our way, or even get a free ride on Konan, Pein, or Carmen."

"OK! Let's go, everybody!"

* * *

"Kakuzu…please…wait for me…" Hidan called over his partner.

"What's wrong with you? We only have walked for a few miles!" Kakuzu criticized.

"Ugh, but I'm tired! Where are the others? Haven't seen them since we start walking."

Kakuzu looked around and saw the door to the hallway of rooms. "Madara and the others probably headed outside the dining room. Pein made us like this, so they must be going after him and his cheapskate new gun."

"The gun looked quite expensive to me."

"Don't start talking about values. You know nothing about it."

"Who said I wanna talk about values?" Hidan snapped gingerly. The floor seemed to rumble under Hidan's feet, it also sent warning to the hair on his neck. Kakuzu felt the same thing, though his detectors reacted much more violently as his strings poked out of his underwear and down his pants. "Do you feel that vibration?" asked Hidan.

"Yeah, and it doesn't feel like the blender or dough mixer. It's slightly weaker than that."

Hidan squeaked, catching Kakuzu's attention.

"What?" Kakuzu turned around and soon his eyes expanded in size. First time in his life, he saw a cockroach with the size of a Saint Bernard dog. "Holy… Hidan, where's your three-bladed scythe?"

"Left it in my room… I-I wouldn't eat using and with it. That would be illogical."

"I agree. So…any plans?"

"Hey, you're the quintuple elemental guy; use your beloved techniques to vanquish it off." Hidan scampered and hid behind Kakuzu.

"Um, I heard cockroaches are nuclear resistant."

"So? Use the Earth technique! Squish it into a juice!"

Kakuzu squinted and twitched and stammered. "Ho-how about we…RUN!!!" Kakuzu dashed away from the cockroach, still heading to the door. He ran faster than a cheetah if he was in his normal size. Hidan tried to catch up though he was few feet behind his friend.

"Hey! Wait up!"

"EEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!" Kakuzu squealed. While running, Hidan twitched.

* * *

"Halt! Please, let me rest!" Kisame begged as he fell to his knees.

"So much for the big brawny guy nickname." Madara remarked.

"How long do you think have we been walking, Madara?" asked Tobi.

Madara checked his wristwatch. Last time he checked, it was eight a.m., now it was nine fifty a.m. "Almost two hours. I guess we do can have some rest."

"Kisame-senpai! Madara said we can rest!"

"Thank Poseidon!"

"How's Itachi-senpai?"

"No signs of waking up. Last time he fainted after you and your 'brother' made us kissed, it took him a whole day to wake up! This time, I hope it didn't take that long."

"Mmh, Tobi doesn't sure. Itachi-senpai seemed to be in a deep sleep. Heehee!! The Sleeping Beauty!!"

"Except that he's not beautiful." Madara added. "I wanna lie down for a while." Madara sat and rested his back on the dining room floor.

"Ooh! Tobi too!" Tobi followed Madara and rested beside him. "Hey, Madara, where are we going to rest for the night?"

"Good question, because I don't know. This journey seemed to take forever."

Tobi sat upright suddenly. "Do you feel that, Madara?"

"What? Oh." the floor rumbled even more and there was a shrill screech from the direction of the coffee table. "Why does that thing look familiar?"

"Madara, it's…"

"Hidan and Kakuzu!!!" the twins shouted together. Madara looked at Tobi irritatingly for speaking at the same time as he.

"And food!" added Black Zetsu.

"Seriously?" White Zetsu reconfirmed, as he was not sure he wanted to eat the Beethoven-sized cockroach.

"Shut up! One for all and all for all!"

"Catchy."

"HEEEE-EEEELLP!!!" Kakuzu screamed. He ran faster and faster and halted once he was in front of Madara. "Please! You gotta help me! Kill that thing for me!!!"

Madara swore he saw tears streaming from the financial manager of Akatsuki. He was about to ask further but Hidan's 'wordy' screaming interrupted him. "Hey! I forgot to bring my fuckin' scythe in my freaking room! So I can't fight this stupid shit and that Mr. Scrooge is afraid of cockroaches! So could somebody help me?!"

"Great Lord…" Madara sighed tiredly. "Zetsu, help me with this."

"Sure thing. Anything for food."

'Tobi…?"

"Um, um, the bug looks scary…"

Madara rolled his eyes, "Where's Superman when you need him?" he asked himself. Soon he and Zetsu dashed to attack the giant cockroach which no other than them can defeat. Zetsu pulled Hidan—whose left leg was half-chewed by the cockroach—away, and Madara began to assault the giant bug with Hosenka. The bug screeched and backed away from Madara, but its life was meant to be short as Zetsu horrendously ate the cockroach. Seeing the gooey scene in front of him, Madara got sick and threw up.

"Mm-mmm! Now that's what I call traditional food!" Black Zetsu whistled in happiness, his black-side-eye 'smiled'.

"More like primitive food for me." Madara added.

"Hidan-senpai, is your leg OK?" Tobi asked, poking at the bug-chewed leg of Hidan.

"OK?! It's much too far than OK! It's trashed! Kakuzu, you owe me big time by running away from me!" Then Hidan scoffed, "So…the big Mr. I Love Money is afraid of cockroaches, huh? I wonder if you're afraid of spiders too." Hidan cupped his chin, as well as the sly Madara. Unknown to the masked nin, Madara slid behind him.

"I am not afraid! It's just the cockroach was so big that I took an immediate reaction which was running!" Kakuzu denied.

"Yeah, right. You know that there was ten seconds of pausing and talking before you told us to run. And you were screaming like 'EEEEEKKKKK!!!!'"

Kisame twitched when he heard the impression of Kakuzu from Hidan. F.Y.I, Hidan was very good in making impressions of someone. So if he acted as Kakuzu screaming like a girl, then it was no doubt that the real Kakuzu _did _screamed like a damsel in distress as a King Kong-big bad dragon amalgamation kidnapped her.

Kakuzu's face, at least from what was visible, was turning red. He crossed his arms and threw his face away, only to find himself face-to-face with a giant Black Widow. His eyes dilated and, "EEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!" Plus clenched fingers that were raised upwards to shoulder level and pigeon-toed feet.

The Black Widow puffed back into Madara who doubled over and laughed his ass off. Tobi was laughing uncontrollably, though he usually never laughed at someone's misery. Hidan laughed so hard that he hit Kakuzu on the back, causing his partner to fell flat on his face. Kisame tried so hard not to laugh as he was sitting beside Itachi who was still sleeping soundly. Too bad the younger Uchiha missed all this fun.

"Shut the fuck up!!!" Kakuzu roared, but the others were as hard as hell to be shut up. "OK!!! I admit! I am afraid of cockroaches, spiders, and beetles! Happy?!"

"YES! I can pay your taunting back! Ha-ha! Five months had you been mocking my sexual status, now it's my turn to repay your insults!" Hidan exclaimed excitedly and pointing his fingers almost to Kakuzu's green eyes.

Kakuzu glared at his Jashinist partner and middle-fingered him. "You are so screwed…" he hissed.

"Right back at ya!"

A ten-second pause occurred. Madara—who had successfully avoided suffocation due to excessive laughing—clapped his hands as a signal to get a move on and travelled through the hallway of rooms. "We're not wasting time in here. Let's go."

* * *

They had rested two times and walked for two hours after each break. The day then became dusk before night and most of the Akatsuki—especially Kisame—were tired of walking. Tobi poked on Madara's shoulder. His twin brother cocked his head to face him.

"Tobi is so tired, Madara, and the day is getting dark…" the kid whined.

"Well, I guess we can have some shut-eye. But we're not going to sleep in the hallway; if Pein finds us here, we'll be ending up in the ants' house."

"YEOW!!"

"Kisame! You could watch your voice projection!"

"Itachi just hit me!" then the fish-mutated nin gasped. "Uh-oh! Madara, what time is it now?!" he asked, rather panicky.

"Let me check…"

"AAOOWWW!!"

"Six p.m."

"Oh, crap! This is the taboo time for Itachi-san to sleep!"

"'Sup with that?"

"He sleep-slapped during these times and for the next three hours! I must put him somewhere and leave him alone! OW! YEOW!!"

"How about this room? I don't know whose room this is, it's so dark inside." Zetsu said, after inspecting the room he mentioned.

"Just help us get through the door. We'll sleep there for a while and continue tomorrow morning."

Madara's companions nodded and with Zetsu's help they all walked through the door. And, hey, the room was dark! It was so dark, Tobi accidentally bumped on Madara. "Sorry!"

"Can't see a thing. Though my Sharingan could see the rough outlines of this room." Madara said, seemingly not bothered by Tobi bumping on his back.

"Ooh! Tobi could see everyone's chakra flow! The massive one is Madara! The messy one is Kisame-senpai! The wavy one is Kakuzu-senpai!"

"Wavy?" Kakuzu asked to no one in particular. Hidan snickered, much to Kakuzu's dislike.

"Tobi, hold someone and lead them to the way I go." Madara calmly commanded.

"Okey dokey!"

Madara lead Kisame (plus Itachi. Man, just when is he going to wake up?!) and Zetsu while Tobi lead Kakuzu and Hidan. The kid opened his mask for better look on the surroundings. Madara felt like he was standing in front of a hard object. He reached out his hands and studied the texture of the object he was touching. It was cold and sleek, yet it was smooth. Madara gulped.

"What is it, Madara? Madara was just gulping." asked Tobi.

"Why do I have the feeling that we're going to the wrong room?" Madara wondered; Tobi just cocked his head to the side.

"OUCH!!! Can we just get somewhere, please? This guy is killing me!"

"Madara! That cube object looks like a table! Maybe we can sleep there!" Tobi pointed upwards.

"How about the bushy kind of thing?"

"Um…dunno. But worth a try, ne?"

"Fine. Zetsu, teleport Tobi and the Swearing Duo."

"Hey! Where did you get that name?! I don't like it, change it!" Hidan ranted.

Madara ignored and teleported both Kisame and Itachi up to the so-called table. Once they all were there, Madara tapped his feet on the ground. "Yep, it sounds convincingly like a table. Great job, Tobi."

"Heehee! Tobi is a good boy!"

"Now just find a spot and sleep."

"Tobi sleeps beside Madara! Like always!"

"Can't we just sleep unlike always?"

"Cannot, the dark might give Tobi nightmares."

"Our room is always dark, stupid."

"This room is darker."

"You got that point right. Now lie down and let me go!"

Kisame put Itachi somewhere before he scooted a couple of yards from him. He put his Samehada on the ground before laying his head on it as a pillow. Zetsu just slept straightforward, Kakuzu tried to be as far away from Hidan and slept. Hidan, knowing that Kakuzu was nowhere near him, slept. Madara knew that Tobi was beside him but he didn't move away since he was already too lazy.

"Nighty night, Madara."

"Gah, cut the sweetness already!"

This time, it was way calmer than the dining room…

* * *

Back to the dining room; rewind a few hours earlier, just about when Madara and the others had successfully got out of the dining room. Konan found a scorch mark on the floor snd was utterly confused about it. She scratched her head, just when Pein 'danced' into the dining room.

"What's wrong, Konan-chan? You look confused." asked Pein, trying to be as hot as possible.

"Look at this scorch mark, Pein. Someone or something must have thrown fires to the floor. And…why are you calling me 'Konan-chan'?"

"Nothing. I can be a nice guy while the others are no longer here."

"No longer?"

"I, uh, I mean Madara sent them to an urgent mission! He himself must get involved in that mission! Then he said, 'Pein, I'm going for a mission so you and Konan must take care of the base for the next couple of days.' That's what he told me, really!"

"You're being suspicious…" Konan observed her ex-boyfriend closely. In this distant, Pein's horny side triggered and the first thing came to his perved-up mind was to make out with the blue-haired nin.

_Hold it, Deva! Hold it! If you screw this shitty closeness by your rash move, he will slap you smack dab on the cheeks and never want to talk to you again! _Pein's inner mind warned. But his pervert mind intruded his private inner Zen.

_**Cheeks? The front upper cheeks or the back lower cheeks?**_

_Your face! Not your butt!!!_

Pein gulped, "No, seriously. Why do you think I'm being suspicious?"

"Last time we were left together, you tried to set a candlelight dinner. And after they all got back, Madara said you send them to Legoland in Denmark."

"That time I did slip some free passes in their pockets. Damn, Madara didn't waste his chance!"

"There's something you don't tell me… Where exactly they're going?"

"Missions!"

"I know! You told me already! What kind of mission?"

"Dunno. Madara didn't tell me. Oh look! He left a Post-It note on the fridge!"

"What? Just like my mom…" Konan went to the fridge and unstuck the note. She brought the yellow sticky paper closer to her eyes and read it.

_Dearest Konan,_

_We're sorry for leaving the breakfast time without telling you. Not that we hate your cooking, in fact your cooking is the best there is! Unfortunately, jobs just can't wait for a perfect moment where we are really bored. So here we are, rushing through the forest to catch up our deadlines. I wish I could send you and Pein somewhere too, but sadly I can't. Not that I'm being a sexist, but there's just really no space for you._

_Again, we're sorry. _I'm_ sorry. For leaving you clueless and probably angry. I promise next time you won't be left alone like this with your ex-boyfriend. Hey, but he's a nice guy! Look how willing he is to take care of the base while we're gone! Oops, have to go! Cook us something really delicious when we get back!_

_Regards,_

_Madara Uchiha._

Pein gritted his teeth nervously as Konan seriously read the Post-It letter. He was praying for Konan to fall for the trick. He was crossing his fingers in his pockets. As we might have guessed, Pein made that letter. He did anything for Konan to come back to him and revived their relationship.

"This is not Madara's handwriting." she said sharply, sending chills to Pein's neck. "This is your lefty handwriting! Are you tricking me again?!"

"N-no! Madara hardly writes anything anymore, so it's normal if his handwriting sucks!"

Konan narrowed her eyes. "You do know that you'll end up dead if I find out about all this shit, don't you?"

"Clearly I do!"

"Good, cause you better not underestimate my womanly powers!!!" Konan stormed back to her room which was—unfortunately—to the different direction as Madara's way.

_**Don't you mean 'prowess', hottie?**_

_Shut up, you old jeezer!_

**Additional fun stuff:**

**NXK: So Madara, do you like to be back in one of my humor fic?**

**Madara: Um...to tell you the sad truth, I actually do. Especially that Tobi is not in my head again and I can demand or command for my private moment.**

**NXK: How about you Tobi?**

**Tobi: Tobi is so happy to be back in NXK's fanfic!!! Tobi can hug Madara for real now!**

**Madara: Not again! Back off!**

**NXK: C'mon guys! I made you into brothers, so you have to act like brothers.**

**Madara: Ugh, does real brothers actually hug like this?!**

**NXK: Um...dunno. I don't have a brother, but I did that all the time with my sister before she got married.**

**Madara: What?! Brothers and sisters did different way of love-showing! And you said that your sister's married, that means you have a brother now!**

**NXK: Brother-in-law, it is... OK, folks, see you next time in 'Honey, I Shrunk the Akatsuki!'**

**Madara: Don't forget to review! I sacrificed my diabolism for this stupid story!**

**NXK: It's not stupid! It's masterpiece!**

* * *


	3. For Once They Fight

**-3- For Once They Fight -3-**

"Hey, Deidara! Wake up! I said wake up you sleepy pansy ass!!!" Sasori yelled at Deidara.

"URGH!!! Shut up! I need rest goddammit! Be useful and get me some breakfast!" Deidara yelled back. Sasori's vein of anger bulged on his head.

"YOU DISRESPECTFUL SON OF A BITCH!!" sasori roared and pulled out the Third Kazekage puppet out of his scroll-stored collection and used the ultimate attack at Deidara.

Deidara and Sasori had left the dining room much earlier than neither Madara nor the others. They didn't care about fetching the others so they went straight to Pein's room. Unfortunately, Deidara was too childish to go straight to Pein's room and instead went to other rooms first. They basically did nothing but looking around in huge interests. Deidara couldn't help himself but make colored clay graffiti.

"No more delays for today! We are going straight to Pein-sama's room!" Sasori strictly commanded his junior who had been severely knocked by him. He hopped from the bed they use for sleep and gracefully landed on the floor without breaking his leg, despite that height of the bed was now ten meters.

By the way, the Artist Duo was staying the night at Deidara's room. Deidara's room was quite close to the dining room so that explained why he had hard time sleeping because Tobi and Madara always yapping in front of his door about who will eat the most breakfast. Despite all that, Tobi always earned victory, much to Madara's dismay.

"Hey, Dana, if we get to Pein-sama's shrink gun and made ourselves back to normal, what are we gonna do to the others? Save them?" asked Deidara as he climbed on the giant owl (a very small owl in normal size) he made out of his clay.

"I was thinking of putting them into the snow globe."

"Madara will get pissed very seriously if you do that. We hadn't know him really well so we don't know what kind of fear he spreads."

"I think it's quite obvious. He's definitely wilder than Itachi or even Pein-sama. So I think I'm gonna scratch the idea."

"Better be. Hmm, I wonder where they are right now."

* * *

Itachi's eyes slowly opened. The first thing he saw was a wooden ground. He sat up and rubbed the lethargy out of his eyes. He squinted; everything still looked so fuzzy. He sighed hopelessly. He was sure he saw bodies spreading on the ground not far from him. "Am I the only one alive?" he asked himself. Itachi brought himself up on his feet but his head crashed onto something. "OW!"

Madara woke up hearing Itachi painful cry and started to search for the source. His former student had wake up and was rubbing his aching head right now. "Oh, the Sleeping Not-So-Beauty is awake. Mazeltov." Madara congratulated dryly and emotionlessly.

"Madara? Where are we?" asked Itachi.

"Dunno. The room is still dim, I'm not sure I can see any...ah..." Madara trailed off as he turned around and found the most astounding unpleasing truth: the room where they all had been sleeping in. His jaws dropped and so did his eyes. "Holy shit..."

"What? Where are we? DWOOAAAAH!!!" Itachi yelped as he tripped on Tobi's body that was still sleeping. He scrambled up and cleaned his front.

"We're in the freaking bathroom." Madara muttered. "Now that explains the warmth of the air in this room. The water heater..."

A groan; Madara turned around to see his twin rubbing his eyes. "Morning..."

"Tobi, you won't believe this! We're in the bathroom!" Madara said, clutching the front of Tobi's cloak and shook him vigorously.

"Bathroom? Great! Tobi wants to pee!" Tobi jumped from the table and headed for the sitting toilet which was the nearest.

"So that bushy thing was the bonsai Zetsu made. I think Kisame unknowingly put you under the tree pot. Well, it was really dark at night."

"Kisame put me down? What do you mean? Have I slept for so long that he had to...?" Itachi trailed off and suddenly his face reddened. Apparently, he just recalled of what happened in the dining room when he was lost and Kisame finally found him. There was a big blue coming to his way and he fell. After that, everything was black. Itachi shivered.

"Yep, you passed out because Kisame accidentally fell on to you. It was my fault, actually. I was just trying to surprise him."

"Last time was your fault too." Itachi snarled at Madara.

Flush. The sound was so loud, that the shrunk Akatsuki jumped up to consciousness. Tobi only said, "Oopsy..."

"Tobi!!! Someone could hear us! Now retreat! Get back here!"

"Ah, OK! Wait for Tobi!!!"

Madara told the others to hide behind the bonsai tree while he waited for Tobi and helped him climd the table. Once Tobi had reached the table, they ran to the tree and hide quietly.

Konan stepped in, switching on the light, which caused the mini Akatsuki to get momentarily blinded. "Now what? No one in here but the toilet flushed by itself?" she shivered all of a sudden. "This base is haunted!! Must be the spirits of Hidan's sacrifices!" She switched off the lights and went to the dining room for some breakfast.

"I don't believe in spirits." Hidan commented as they moved away from the tree pot.

"She does. And maybe you should do your sacrificing somewhere else." Madara opened his ears for any sound that was directing to the room. He then activated his Sharingan and tried to see what was coming for the next five seconds. Nothing. He nodded to his troops. "We're safe. Be quiet from now on."

* * *

Konan was massaging her head for she was confused by the strangeness in the base since Madara 'left' with the rest of the Akatsuki. She saw a tiny elephant, a burned cockroach, a scorch mark on the kitchen's floor, and now something else. There was a fat kitten sleeping on the side of the wall. The kitten has orange fur with black stripes.

"Hello? What are you doing here? How did you get in anyway?" Konan squatted and rubbed the kitten's tiny head.

The kitten yowled in a un-cat manner. Konan's eyes squinted. She stiffly stood up and resumed her way to the dining room.

"God...please slap me awake from this sci-fi fantasy..." Konan prayed as she quickly walked away from the kitten.

* * *

Zetsu helped the shrunk Akatsuki passing through the door like phantoms. The kitten earlier sniffed the scent of the mini Akatsuki and stood in sheer excitement. The kitten just smelled the scent of its dearest owner.

"Can't believe I actually spent the whole night in the stinkin' bathroom and not having the opportunity to sneak in to Kakuzu's locker." Hidan complained. He earned a glare from Kakuzu soon after. "OK! You can sneak mine too, deal?"

"I wasn't looking for a penniless deal. No matter how much you wager, I will NOT open my locker for you! Unless you somehow change your views about money..."

"They're disgusting." Hidan coldly interrupted and Kakuzu somehow had expected this answer and threw his face.

When Kakuzu turned again to see where Madara had leaded them all to, he found that he was left behind, let alone warned. "Hey! What's the big idea? Why are you guys leaving me?" Then Kakuzu remembered the cliché of someone being left alone while the others were running frantically. Plus, there was hot breath blowing behind his neck. For some reason, Kakuzu felt like he needed to go to the bathroom he had just left.

He warily turned around but the only word coming from his mask-covered mouth was, "Ah."

Meanwhile, the rest of the Akatsuki....

"Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit!!!" Hidan screamed out swear words. "I feel bad about not telling Kakuzu about it! I hope he's OK!"

"I don't care!" Madara cried.

"Guys!!! It's OK! It's Carmen!" they heard Kakuzu screamed over. Hearing that, they all froze abruptly. Zetsu had a difficulty stopping and he ended up slipping and bowling the rest who had stopped.

"Carmen?" Madara stood and walked back to Kakuzu and the kitten which was, as Kakuzu had said, Carmen.

Carmen was licking Kakuzu over and over again; Kakuzu laughed in delight and climbed over Carmen's back and ride her. "I can't believe Pein-sama shrunk you too! Now you're barely familiar as a tiger! I guess Pein-sama quite hates you."

Carmen growled, showing her agreement on Pein's meanness. Kakuzu cuddled her back of the neck mumbling, "There, there girl. We're so gonna pay him back."

"I hope she helps a lot. We could use some see-in-the-dark pair of eyes here." Madara said, carefully brought his hand to pat Carmen's head.

"Gladly. Anything for paying back our misery."

Madara smirked wryly, "Revenge is your second favorite thing, huh? Other than money."

"Oh yeah. Explains why I became an S-ranked criminal."

"Humph, right. Better get going. If you wanna have your revenge, we better start off right now."

* * *

"Pein! It's breakfast! Get here, right now!!!" Konan called. She had struggled to forget about the scary things happened recently in the base, and she succeeded. Lucky for her.

"Jeez, Konan, you don't have to yell like an old lady. It's six in the morning." Pein not-seductively-at-all said to Konan. He sat down on his chair and spun his goblet (he still drinks cappuccino with a goblet...).

Konan felt the cold sweat rolling on her neck. Pein's horny mode was freaking her out. It may be hot and fun when they were still together, but now...Konan just felt like she wanted to barf. She cleared her throat, trying to sweep off the strange things from her mind. "Pancakes or waffles?" she asked, scrunching her eyes close.

"Anything you'd like to give me, babe." Pein grinned.

_God, he's out of control..._ Konan shook her head and decided to give Pein pancakes while she could have the waffles.

The strangeness continued to roll its dice and made its move. Pein began to whistle Black Eyed Peas' _My Hump_ and he muttered the part _'My hump, my hump, my hump.'_ Konan rubbed the goose bumps on the back of her neck down. Even when they were dating, Pein never did this only to get her attention. The worst of the worst, Pein began to hum Konan's new favorite song. It was _Your Call_ by Secondhand Serenade.

_NOOO!!! He's singing that song! God!!! Help me! Madara, Tobi, everyone...Please get back home now!!!!!!!_

The kettle shrieked.

* * *

The Lilliput Akatsuki clamped their ears due to the shrieking sound of the kettle bouncing to the walls and finally to their ear drums. Now they felt it: the suffer insects had to bear because of human technologies were so darn big and so darn noisy. No wonder insects tend to never react to sound (except Shino's).

"Somebody better not forget their tea!" Madara howled.

The kettle stopped; the Lilliputs sighed in relief.

"Madara, Tobi's ears hurt..."

"Tell me about it..."

However, that wasn't the last loud sound that came; a louder shout came across the room. "GET BACK TO YOUR ROOM AND YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, YOUNG MAN!!!!" It was Konan, shouting furiously.

"Wha-what? You can't do this to me!" Pein objected. There was a sad childish tone from his voice.

"Yes I can. Now move your lazy ass now! Before I change my mind and kicked you into the soup cauldron!" Konan screeched again. Pein scrambled to the ground, running away from the woman he still loved. Well, I guess he didn't think about love anymore since he was focusing on keeping himself alive.

"Everybody, quick! To that room with a mouse hole on the door!" Madara told his troops and they quickly hid in the room that has a hole on the bottom of the door. They hid until Pein passed in front of the door and to his room.

"Is it clear?" Tobi asked.

"I don't know. Zetsu, go and check!"

"Me? Why is it always me who gets to do all the checking and everything?" the bipolar complained, but looking at Madara's icy forcing glare, he changed his mind and obeyed the order already. While he was gone, Hidan wandered around the room in awe.

"Hey, you! Immortal Chest-show-off-worshipper! Get back here!" Madara called over.

Hidan seemed to be deaf over his orders and kept staring at the whole room. Finally, he spoke excitedly, "This is my room!!! We're in my room!!" Soon afterwards, he started to jump up and down vigorously.

"Oh great....That's not helping at all." Kisame blurted monotonously.

"That's my newly acquired Jashin statue! I wanna hug him!" Hidan ran to the direction of the display, but he stopped when he saw that the statue dragged by itself. His eyes dilated in horror as the mini elephant pushed the Jashin statue off the display, crashing to the floor. As it crashed, its glass body shattered to all directions, firing the Lilliput Akatsuki with sharp glass shuriken.

Kisame hid behind his Samehada and Itachi hid behind Kisame. Kakuzu use his strings to create a shield. Madara and Tobi somehow didn't get hurt while their best defense was to hide behind their arms. Hidan was too shocked to move or guard; he just stood where he witnessed the departure of his beloved Jashin statue. A glass shard stuck on few parts of his body; one stuck on his head, creating a Mohawk-like hair -- except that it was made of glass and it hurts.

His lips quivered. Sadness overwhelmed him; he picked the glass shard on his head, throwing it away and cried in agony of lost. "You fuckin' disrespectful long-nose elephant!!! I'm gonna sacrifice you to Lord Jashin!" he yelled and resumed by shouting many colorful words.

The elephant seemed to understand and angry at Hidan's blasphemy. I said so because after Hidan shouted, the elephant fell right from the display and land its humongous butt on Hidan. Hidan cried for the pain that was crushing his neck. No one was dare to intervene the elephant, they all just laugh at Hidan's misery.

"There, there, Mr. Elephant. We're friends, so would you un-sit yourself from that guy? Please?" Madara politely asked the elephant.

The elephant understood Madara and stood on all fours. Hidan was left to heal his crushed body parts while whining and groaning as the pain aftermath struck him.

Madara patted the elephant's trunk and asked, "How did Pein get you in here, big guy? Worst of all, you're no bigger than a horse!"

The elephant trumpeted in agreement with Madara. Tobi then came approaching Madara and the elephant. The light bulb of creation ignited above his head. "Madara! Madara!" Tobi called him loudly, despite that his twin brother was just only inches away.

"What?! You don't have to yell like that."

"Can we keep this elephant, please?" the kid begged.

"No. As much as I like it for crushing Hidan, I'm so not going to have an elephant as a pet."

"Please!" Tobi knelt, pulling at the bottom of Madara's cloak.

"Nuh-uh!"

Tobi opened his mask, showing the cuddly puppy eyes at Madara. "Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"Nay..." Madara replied dryly, repulsing the begging eyes easily.

"PLEASE!!!!" Tobi implored more.

"I mean it when I say no!!!!" Madara bellowed furiously.

"Meany!"

"Baby!"

"Devil!"

"Pamper-ass cherub!"

"Ugly!"

"Pumpkin Face!"

"Tobi hates Madara!"

"Likewise!!!"

The twins for once turned their backs against each other, chins up in a snobbish pose, lower lip pouted awkwardly. Itachi stared at Kisame in confusion and vice versa. Kakuzu scratched the back of his head while Carmen only cocked her head to the side. Hidan was in too much pain when they were fighting and didn't give a damn about what happened.

"Weird..." Itachi whispered.

"Unusual..." Kisame whispered.

"Unheard of..." Kakuzu whispered.

"Damn hurt..." Hidan whined.

Zetsu then merge back from checking on situation. Took him long enough because there was a 'sentimental' heart-to-heart argument with both Black and White Zetsu. "Yo!" he greeted, but silence and painful groan replied him. "Um...what's going on?"

"Report condition." Madara commanded with voice rougher than usual.

"E-everything's clear, sir!" Zetsu answered spontaneously. He didn't know why, but he felt like he had to answer Madara like that.

"Pein is grounded for the rest of the day as we heard. This is a disadvantage for us. We shall stay in Hidan's room for the mean time."

"Well, not Tobi, that is."

Madara casted a bloodshot glare at Tobi who was standing near the hole on the bottom of the door. Tobi's eyes were glaring back at him; sharp and very un-Tobi-like.

"Tobi will go find Deidara and Sasori-senpai. Tobi is sick of Madara's selfishness." he hissed.

Madara clenched his fist. "Well, what do you waiting for?! Go fetch your favorite senpai and get in to trouble! You can't do anything without me behind your ass to watch you over!"

"Dude, what if he got killed?" Kisame asked, concerned of the big boss' fiery emotion was messing with his mental.

"I don't care! He's just a crumpled piece of crap that was formed from my chakra, anyway! He's just a bunshin!" Madara yelled.

Tobi's face showed hurt; he gritted his teeth and ran away from the spot he was standing. He ran as far away as he could from Madara. Madara seemed to be quite proud of himself for saying that and hopped to Hidan's bed.

"I'm taking a nap, so no one shall bother me!" he shouted and his troops just obeyed.

Kisame turned to Itachi, Zetsu and Kakuzu. "This is bad."

"Totally." Itachi replied. "Especially that Madara's in a bad mood, I guess we will want to watch our words. Make sure Mr. Profanity hears this."

"Don't worry about him. He'll be OK. Two immortals don't make a death!"

Itachi and Kisame stared at Kakuzu with a skewed glance. The elephant went away to wander the base again.

"Rriiight......" Kisame and Itachi coughed and wheezed forcefully.

* * *

**Ouch, I feel sorry for Madara and Tobi but not Hidan, though. Haahaaheehee!!! Oh, has anyone see my song-fic-crackalackin' parody? I'm enjoying writing these two at the same time. Yeah to multitasking!!!**


	4. The Seemingly Harmless ET Plant

**-4- The Seemingly Harmless ET Plant -4-**

Due to his crankiness of Madara toward Tobi and Pein's house arrest for the whole day, the Lilliput Akatsuki couldn't go anywhere and decided to explore Hidan's room. Hidan received a level five burnt injury because he scolded Madara when he found the Uchiha sleeping on his bed. No one talked to the leader unless the leader talked to them. Madara spent his whole day sleeping; sleeping he was, but restlessly. He was hot and cold at the same time.

* * *

Tobi walked the whole time after he left Madara and the rest of the troops. He did say he went looking for Deidara and Sasori, but he wasn't even sure where to start looking so he ended up aimless.

Though he wasn't injured, his shoulder was pressed against the wall as he explored the hallway, opening his senses to catch something Deidara-ish. Like Madara, Tobi was hot and cold too. He never hated Madara, despite all the differences they have. Should he apologize?

_No! Madara was wrong! He's selfish, bossy, and impatient, very unloving, impassionate, stubborn, not a good boy at all._ Tobi contemplated, for once in a lifetime his choice of words were not so shallow.

After a few minute—or perhaps hours—Tobi came to a stop, realizing the sore on his feet. He took a rest in the nearest room that also has a mouse hole on the door. The room was nearly empty, save for display of pots and plants. This must be Zetsu's rarely used room. The day was at dusk, soon it will get colder and…darker.

Tobi gulped. No; Zetsu's room was even darker than his and Madara's room. It may have a window that has no curtains but the moon light was blocked by clouds. Tobi flung his hand slightly backwards, hoping to grasp someone else's hand. His hand only gripped the air, no solids not even liquids. He shivered; maybe Madara was right: he was nothing without his bolder and tougher twin which was also his split personality.

BOOM!!!

Tobi squeaked. _Where did that sound come from?_ he wondered. A voice followed, "Can't you make less sound but more light, dweeb?!"

Tobi's face lit up in hope. He knew that voice perfectly well. He encouraged himself to call, "Um…Sasori-senpai? Is that you?"

"Huh? Who's that?"

"It's Tobi!"

"Oh! Oh! Tobi! I can't believe I'd say this but, glad to see you alive!" Deidara's voice interrupted Sasori's across the darkness. "Could you light up some fire, please? You can use Gokakyu, right?"

"O-OK!" Tobi created a hand seal, opened his mask and let the fire chakra blew out from his mouth. He could see Deidara and Sasori on the plant display, waving at him. He quickly jumped up to them and gave Deidara a big hug. "Tobi thought Tobi won't find senpai!"

"Whoa, there, buddy! It's not like we've been separated for years!"

"Tobi just don't want to be called a wimp by Madara…"

"Speaking of which, where's Madara and the others?" asked Sasori.

Tobi's posture sagged. "Tobi…ran away from them…"

Deidara gaped, "You idiot!!! You could at least bring us to them!" Deidara yelled, shaking Tobi on the shoulders.

"Tobi was fighting!!!" Tobi retorted.

"You? Fight? With who? Can't be with a rat, right? Coz we've killed it when we were in the living room."

"Tobi was fighting with Madara…" he hunched more as he answered.

"Whoa, wait. What?"

Tobi explained everything to the Artistic Duo. As he explained, tears began to well in his eyes. Lucky he was wearing his mask, so neither Sasori nor Deidara could see him growing somber. By the time he stopped storytelling, his stomach grumbled and so did Deidara's. "Senpai has food?"

"No. The last thing I ate was that rat meat. AUGH! That was disgusting!" Deidara gagged.

"Yeah, and unprofessionally cooked—with an explosion." Sasori added dryly.

"Hey, at least I'm being useful here! You didn't do anything since we shrunk! All you did was asking for my help! Your puppets can't even catch a single rat whose size as big as a rhino! I know that art is a bang!" Deidara pointed proudly.

"No! As I always told you, art is a modification and preservation of life!"

"Look! Cherries!" Tobi shouted, mediating the artists' endless fight. "The cherries are so big!" Tobi ran to the said fruit and picked one of them. The moon light was visible so that he could see the surroundings with the help of its beam.

"Wait! Me want food!" Deidara caught up with Tobi and picked a cherry for himself. The cherry was as big as his legs, so he and Sasori shared. Tobi, on the other hand, could finish the whole giant cherry by himself.

"Yummy! Zetsu-san is a good gardener!" Tobi complimented. Tobi suddenly whipped his head to the side; he just felt like he saw something moved within the darkness where moon light couldn't reach. He waited longer…. No movements. He shrugged and threw the cherry seed to the pot where he found it.

Tobi walked back to Deidara and Sasori and yawned. "Tobi sleepy…"

"Well, go to bed. I'm watching over your backs here." Sasori said.

"Thanks, senpai!" Tobi hugged Deidara who had lie down already.

"OOF! Hey, what's the big idea?!"

"Night-night, Deidara-senpai! Sweet dreams!"

"Oh, I will! Of nuclear bombs and meteors! Anything booming!"

"Shut up and snore already!"

"If I snore, that won't be a shut up, Sasori-dana."

"Don't play smart with me, twit! Sleep!"

* * *

Madara sat slowly upright. His eyes were saggy, thanks to the insomnia he had last night. He looked around; his men were sleeping tight and the sun shone already. He looked to his side. Empty. No one was there—no one was sleeping beside him.

His forehead creased. "That blockheaded pumpkin dweeb…" he grunted and stretched his arms skyward.

"Breakfast…sir?" Zetsu asked politely and timidly. He had woke up early and eaten a house pest already.

One of Madara's eyebrows went up higher than the other. "Why are you talking so politely with me?" he asked suspiciously.

"Feeling better now?" Black Zetsu asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You were so hot under the collars and gave Hidan hell. If you know what I mean…"

"Oh, right. Yeah, I'm OK now. So, what kind of breakfast do you bring us?"

"I only manage to get fruits. I hope it's enough." White Zetsu answered.

Madara turned to look at the pile of fruits stacked in the middle of Hidan's bed. He nodded and said, "That looks enough for me. I'll eat one of them first before somebody took it."

Few minutes later, Itachi woke up and Madara invited him to breakfast. Then Kisame woke up followed by Kakuzu and lastly Hidan. The Jashinist had fully recovered from his triple injuries yesterday. They—excluding Hidan—noticed that Madara was in a better color of heart, but they still keeping promise to themselves not to mention Tobi in front of him.

They all had their breakfast, but there was still one banana left.

"Who's gonna eat that?" Hidan asked. "I hate bananas and that one's way too big."

"I'm stuffed." said Itachi.

"Same here." Kisame and Kakuzu replied.

"Where's that tangerine face when you need him?" Hidan asked. He cocked his eyebrows when he saw the terrified face of four of his friends except Madara, whose eyes were slanting. "What did I say?"

"Let's move." Madara gave orders coldly and stood. The others followed; Kakuzu hit Hidan upside his head.

"You forgot my warning, didn't you?"

"What warning? All you said was 'Yadda yadda, cranky, ladeeda, Tobi, yap-yap-yap…'"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "The elephant must've sat on your ears really bad that your ear drums blended with your ear wax…"

"Hey, my neck hurts…"

"I wasn't talking about your neck!"

* * *

The sun rose and its ray ignite the room's once gloomy aura. Sasori could see the plants displayed in Zetsu's room. The plants were all miniaturized like he was right now. He was amazed by Zetsu's sense of art. The bipolar could make a bonsai of a cherry tree! That was unheard of and original! His eyes then caught a weird shaped plant. It looked like a blue flower ready to bloom but the leaves were jagged on the edges and the color was white.

"What kind of plant is this?" he observed.

The plant stirred, causing Sasori put on his guard. As he cautiously waited, the plant stopped stirring. Sasori relaxed his wooden joints and turned around—only to be chomped by the seemingly harmless blue flower.

"WOOOOAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!"

* * *

Konan sat jolt upright on her bed. Her hair messy as she just got up from her bed. "What on freakin' hell was that sound?!" She gasped. "This base is really haunted! Must call the guys from Ghostbusters!!!"

Pein winced to the sound of the mini scream. He covered his head with his pillow and smiled under it. "I wonder who that is…" he chuckled darkly. "And I'm not grounded anymore!"

* * *

"Sasori-dana!"

"Sasori-senpai!"

"You, plant, spit him out right now!" Deidara growled at the extraterrestrial plant. The plant won't budge but swallowed Sasori even more.

"DWOOOAAAAHH!!!" Sasori screamed. "So dark and murky in here!!! AUGH! Stomach acid meets alien saliva!! My wooden hinges won't like this!"

Deidara formed clay spiders and send them to the plant and exploded. However, the plant was radioactive resistant, so Deidara's attempt failed. "This thing is unbelievable!!"

"Don't worry, senpai! Tobi will get you out!" Tobi raised his hands to catch Sasori's legs that were not yet swallowed. He caught it, successfully, but he plant's force was so strong, now it has Tobi on its next menu. It reared up and swallowed Sasori more, and Tobi slightly behind. "EEEAAAAHHH!!!"

Inside the plant's digestive system, Sasori could see the churning acid that was ready to melt his head. He panicked and whipped around to grab Tobi's hand that was on his leg. He got it and told Tobi to let go of his leg. "Hey, Tobi!"

"Y-yes?!"

"Can't you do something wih your jutsu?! I dunno, teleport me out of here?"

"S-sorry! Tobi can't teleport!"

"What?! Aw, gimme a break!" The plant reared back and Tobi came in too, save for his legs. He hooked onto the plant's mouth using his feet. "AAAAARRGGHH!!!!"

"AAAAAIIIIIEEE!!! Tobi is so scared!!" For some unusual reason, Tobi's brain functioned better than ever. "Sasori-senpai! Hold on to Tobi's body!"

Sasori struggled to gripped Tobi's shoulders and climbed on his back while Tobi got hold of the plant's mouth edge using his hands. One of his hands slipped, leaving him to survive on one hand.

"As far as my fighting experience, I never get into something like this!" Sasori cried. "Tobi, nice to know ya! You may be very annoying, but I enjoy our times pulling pranks at Deidara!"

"Nice to know you too, senpai! Sorry if Tobi could never understand the meaning of art and... sorry for burning the broom you used to sweep! It was Tobi who did it! Tobi burned senpai's broom so that senpai would throw it to your puppets!! Sorry!!"

"You did what?! GAH! I'm gonna kill you! You jackass!!" Sasori gripped his fingers around Tobi's throat Homer Simpson-like. Tobi choked to near death while keep clinging to the plant's mouth.

"ACK!! Senpai! Let go! Tobi is slipping!"

"God, no! OK, I let you go! But I'm going to stab your ass with Hiruko after this!! Maybe in heaven!"

"Or hell! Since we're criminals!"

"Right! Whatever!"

"Oh, no. Hell, here we come…" Tobi muttered as he couldn't keep clinging to the plant's mouth. One finger left, and he slipped. His hopes and dreams returned as a pair of hands caught his sleeve and wrist, pulling him out of the armpit of deathbeds.

"Kakuzu, pull!"

"Madara?"

"Kakuzu, told one of your heart monsters to force open this piece of shit's mouth!!!" Madara yelled. Soon afterwards, light showed up from the outside of the plant's digestive system. There Tobi could see Madara, wincing as he struggled to pull two men weight. His whole body was wrapped in strings, Kakuzu's strings. Kakuzu let out two of his heart monsters to fight for him while he helped Madara saving Tobi's ass.

Tobi could feel him being pulled out of the alien plant's jaws and back to the world again. Everybody came for him and Sasori and Deidara. They all fought to save him, even the powerless Hidan. There was Kisame and Itachi right on the pot, ready to log down the plant whenever ready.

"Kisame, Itachi, now!!!" Madara called.

Itachi burned the soil while Kisame ripped off the seed and the roots so it won't grow again. Kakuzu slowly untangled his strings from Madara's body and let him land on his feet. Tobi and Sasori fell on their knees or sitting, heart was still thumping hard from near death.

"I'M ALIVE!!!!" Sasori howled in happiness. He lay down on his back, panting and chuckling. On the other hand, Tobi was staring at Madara dumbfounded.

Madara sternly stared back at the orange-masked kid. He then sneered at him, "I knew you can't let yourself out of trouble without me. Though, this one isn't caused by you…"

"Where did you get this thing, Zetsu?" asked Kisame.

"Um, back in Earth Country. There was a falling meteor and it carried the seed of that thing. I knew it was an alien plant, but I never expected it to be an extraterrestrial Venus Flytrap." answered Zetsu.

Itachi scoffed, "Like Master, like Pet."

"It's sad though. The plant was beautiful…"

The awkwardness between Madara and Tobi swished. Tobi tilted his head to the side and Madara just kept staring at him. "Why?" Tobi asked. "Don't Madara hate Tobi?"

"Don't you hate me? You said it first."

"Tobi didn't mean it…sorry…"

"You know, I broke out into a cold sweat just thinking about you versus the nature. I was fucking worried, you dimwit! We were apart for a night and you were already in that plant's stomach!"

"But Tobi is just a bunshin."

"Technically, you are, but that doesn't change the fact that you are my baby brother who still needs to keep an eye on." Tobi hunched and Madara grimaced, "Don't start weeping, twerp!"

"Tobi is not crying!" but Tobi failed to hide a whimper.

Madara rolled his eyes, after a long pause, Madara said, "Say…I guess you can have that elephant."

"What? Really?!"

"Yeah, as long as it stays small and you can keep it away from my stuff."

"Sure! YAAAY!!! Tobi can have an elephant!!!" Tobi cheered and hugged Madara on the stomach. "Thank you, Madara!"

"Gah, not so tight!" Madara smirked. As always, he failed to smile nicely and lovingly, simply because he can't. He rubbed Tobi's head that has the same thick black hair as he. "No problem, bub."

"Ah, all's well ends well." Kakuzu remarked before he started groaning out of disgust. "Gee, Itachi, why can't you be like that?"

Itachi snarled at the masked elder Akatsuki. Deidara laughed and added, "Maybe he will some day, after he fought Sasuke, steal his eyes, becoming immortal, and developed a second wacky personality. Then he will torture us, get busted, and adopts his second personality as his brother, since he doesn't need Sasuke anymore."

Kakuzu cackled after Deidara and thumb-up him, "That pumpkin face is sure is lucky. He doesn't have to worry about getting his Sharingan stolen by his own brother."

Tobi was satisfied and let go of Madara. Madara nodded to his troops who just found another two of their missing personnel. "Let's go and accomplish our mission now. Pein must've allowed to get outside his room."

* * *

Konan ran to Pein who was sitting in the living room. "PEIN!!!"

"Now what? I swear I didn't and will never peek you in your bath!" Pein raised his hands in the air in a surrendering manner.

"No! And I wasn't angry at you! I was scared this early in the morning! There was a scream somewhere in the base!!! I think Hidan's sacrifices are getting mad! You know, this is like The Messenger! Only it's not a movie! Do you think we'll make it out alive until Madara returned with the others!?"

**What did she say? 'Can we make out alive'? Of course! Making out won't kill me!**

_She wasn't talking about romance! Deva! Get hold on yourself!!!_

"Um, uh, I dunno either! I was hiding my head under my pillow since it was so damn loud. Rather than that, how about you sit with me, watching morning shows?" Pein offered, tapping the empty seat beside him.

"No, thanks. I have to search around the house. Maybe it's not ghosts, but some kind of hoax. Feel free to join!"

Pein scowled but his brain—which was in a serious state of OOCness from the very beginning of the story—had a new idea and he followed Konan, searching for ghosts.

* * *

Madara looked at his right; Zetsu looked at his left. "Everything clear?" asked Madara cautiously.

"Clear."

"Alright, everybody! Move! Carmen, you walk on our side, we need your cover. Deidara, you and Sasori stay high. We will need you watch our heads. Zetsu, take a look on Konan and Pein, now. Tobi,"

"Yes?!"

"Stay close."

"No prob!"

"Right, now move, move, move!"

Deidara and Sasori climbed onto the clay owl. Zetsu quickly disappeared, while the rest stick close to Carmen who just walked casually throughout the hallway. Deidara's clay owl nearly touched the ceiling and watched the others from up there. Sasori watched the back for signs of Pein and/or Konan.

Zetsu spied on Konan and Pein. They were currently checking inside of Deidara's room for signs of ghosts. Zetsu noticed that Pein had his eyes on Konan's behind most of the time. He rolled his eyes, "He's in a mental breakdown." said Black Zetsu.

"You're totally right. Let's get back to Madara, there's nothing to fear for the mean time."

"Right. Humph, the days are getting more interesting."

Carmen stopped in front of a door. Pein and Konan were nowhere in sight. "It's safe. Kakuzu, strings!"

"On it!" Kakuzu let some strings tied the door knob. Kisame, Hidan and Madara helped to pull it open. Pein's room was opened, Shrinkanator 9000 was just few normal yards in front of them. "That's our jackpot straight ahead."

"Good." Zetsu appeared and Deidara with Sasori flew in. "Alright, everybody! Start looking for the reverse switch and we can have our pay back time later."

They all ran to the gun. Quickly, Pein and Konan were getting close!


	5. 1920's Punishment

**-5- 1920's Punishment -5-**

"Go! Go! Go!" Madara shouted and the Lilliput Akatsuki began searching for the reverse switch on Shrinkanator 9000 gun. The gun was as big as a bazooka but with tripod to sustain itself when unused. They searched the tripod, the back of the gun, the snout, the trigger but they found nothing that looked like a switch.

"Madara, it's useless! We've searched everywhere!" Tobi whined.

"Don't give up! It must be here somewhere…"

"Rather than that, Kingpin, how are we going to use the gun in _this _size?" asked Kakuzu.

"Good question. Maybe Kisame can?"

"That's…not helping."

"I know. Well, we figure it out, later!"

* * *

"Here, ghosty, ghosty, ghosty… Come up, come up, wherever you are…" Konan whispered as she held a thermos on a ready-to-kick-ass position. She moved stealthily, also jumpily, reminds us of the one of the Charlie's Angels spies. "AHA!!" she shouted. A spider scampered away, crying in spider language, "Don't trap me!"

"Konan, I think you're overacting." Pein remarked, chewing on an apple. He volunteered to follow Konan and her ghost hunt, but he never knew it would be this…bizarre. "There are no ghosts! Those screaming you heard probably came from the TV."

"Can't be. I turned it off and you were grounded. There's NO chance whatsoever the TV caused all the sounds." Konan said stiffly. "When did you take that apple?"

"I already had it, Cherry Pie."

"Don't call me that!" she hissed.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"_OMG!!!_" she screamed, startling Pein who almost drop his apple. "Look at that!! That clay-fitti!!!"

"What on maple syrup is clay-fitti? Oh…" Pein mumbled as he saw a clay-made graffiti on Deidara's room wall. The graffiti said, 'DA BASTE TERRORIST AND ARTIST IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!'

_Totally Deidara's doing…_ Pein thought, skewing his eyebrows.

"One of Hidan's sacrifices must have been an ex-terrorist and it wants to terrorize us!!!!" Konan shrieked maniacally.

"Actually, Madam, I think Deidara did this on purpose. Remember, we're still in his room."

Konan's shoulders relaxed. "Oh, you're right. And it's made of clay." She shrugged and shouted, "To Kakuzu's room!!!"

"Great Lord…" Pein sighed exasperatedly.

* * *

"Are those angels?" asked Itachi as he squinted to see white fluffy things approaching the Lilliput Akatsuki from the ceiling.

"Where?' Kisame asked and followed Itachi's hazy direction. He gasped, "Those are not angels, Itachi-san. Those are…"

"HUNGRY PIGEONS!!!!" Tobi squealed.

"Oh no. No! No! NO!!! I am not going to be a victim to an animal violence again!" Hidan jumped and hid under a spread of papers on Pein's room floor.

Kisame rushed to save Itachi—who still can't see a thing—and pulled him on the collar. He threw his nearly-blind partner beside Hidan. "Stay there! I'll be right back!"

"Wait, Kisame! Just what's going on?"

"Trust me, Itachi. You don't wanna know." Hidan cut him.

Carmen snarled and hissed and pounced at the pigeons. She guarded Kakuzu at the same time. Madara did the same thing as Kisame to Itachi with Tobi. He put Tobi together with Itachi and Hidan. "Hullo! Not fighting, are we?"

"I wanna, but I can't. Don't have my scythe. And this dude is… you know the rest of the history."

"Deidara!" Madara shouted.

"Right here!"

"Make C1, now!!!"

"What? But I'll explode the whole room!"

"No, don't explode it! Just use it to scare the pigeons! Zetsu, Kisame, Kakuzu, Carmen, I need you by the window!"

"Roger that!"

"Sasori-dana, you can ride the birds, right?" asked Deidara.

"S-sure…just g-go…" Sasori stammered.

"I always knew you're afraid of heights…" Deidara muttered, rolling his eyes before free falling and 'threw up' C1 in mid-air. C1 may be as big as Godzilla in human size, but in Lilliput size, it was just as big as an eight-year-old kid. Hey, that was still big!

C1 flapped its massive wings, but only few pigeons ran out of the window. "Wait, Madara!!! Don't do it!!!' Deidara screamed as he saw Madara taking a deep breath. He knew perfectly he was about to use a fire jutsu. "C1 will explode if it's heated up!"

"Well, tell me earlier!!!"

"Sorry!"

The pigeons that were left (which was only three, really) landed around Madara, the only person left on the floor. The pigeons braced their beaks and talons, ready to snatch at Madara. Madara closed his eyes; Tobi thought he was going to give himself up to the pigeons.

"Madara! Get away from there! They'll eat you!"

"Don't worry, kiddo. He's not gonna die that easily, anyway. Remember, he and you are immortal."

"Oh, that's right. So what is Madara doing?"

"That I haven't the foggiest idea."

Madara opened his eyes and revealed his Mangekyo Sharingan. He stared at the three pigeons sharply, causing the grey birds to hop back in surprise. Madara turned into an eagle, a big one, and screeched in its war cry. The pigeons were frightened and soared away. The three of them took off to the window; one of them bumped the window, fell, and fly back frantically. Kisame gave the signal and he, Kakuzu, Zetsu and Carmen shut the window. No more birds to bother them right now.

* * *

"What was that sound?" Konan asked when she heard a flapping sound somewhere in the base. She swung the thermos aggressively.

"That sounds like flying papers. Or maybe wings." said Pein. "Would you…how…where…why do you have that thermos in your hands in the first place?"

"Thermos can catch ghosts, you know."

"Where did you hear that from?"

"Nowhere, no one." she answered rapidly as she kept acting super-spy. "I saw it in Danny Phantom."

"Danny Phantom? _Danny Phantom?!_ Konan, it's just a freakin' cartoon!!!!!" Pein hollered.

"What do you think we are? We're two-dimensional, artificially colored, and voice-dubbed!!"

"Oh, I thought we are just linear sentences. No pictures, no voice, but there are dialogues. And even though we are cartoons, we won't be called cartoons, we'll be called 'anime'."

"What-fucking-ever." A loud bump and another flap-clap. "I think it's coming from your room, Pein."

"Oh, shit!!!" Pein scampered.

"Pein, wait for me!"

* * *

"Um, dudes, I think we gonna get some company." Zetsu said, as he heard footsteps coming from the hallway.

"Everybody, quick! Start re-searching!!!" Madara cried.

"AARGH!!!" someone shouted and a crash followed.

"Itachi-san, you OK?" asked Kisame, helping him up.

"I think I bump on something…" he moaned. There were Joutai 2 Sasukes flying above his head, circling it and singing nursery rhymes.

Kakuzu observed and it was… "It's the switch!! Right under…the handle…" Kakuzu groaned in frustration. "I can't believe we've been searching the whole hour only to find our target right on the **bottom **of the handle!!! Son of a bitch!!"

"Ho, there buddy. And…why is the gun so low now, anyway. I remember it being meters high." Kisame wondered. The two of them scratched their heads.

"Guys!!! Let's have a photo line!!" Tobi called waving his arms.

"We don't have time for tha—oh! OK! Wait for us!" Kakuzu ran towards the rest of the Akatsuki. Kisame and Itachi followed behind.

"Ready, Zetsu?" asked Madara.

"Hold a sec…alright! We're hot!"

Madara circled Tobi's neck. "C'mon, guys, embrace your partners!"

"What in the name of money are you talking about?" Kakuzu glanced at Hidan and the Swearing Duo gagged. "Hell. NO!"

"What he said!"

Kisame shyly put his arm around Itachi's neck. He mumbled, "Please don't faint, Itachi-san…"

"Nah, in this case I won't." Itachi had his arm on Kisame's back. "It is kinda awkward though…"

"Mmh, yeah. Ahem."

Sasori embraced Deidara without comments; Deidara, on the other hand, was feeling uncomfortable. "I'm going to take a bath 100 times after this." the blonde artist said.

Instead of embracing Hidan's neck, Kakuzu stood behind Hidan and put both of his fists on Hidan's side of the head. "This way is much better."

Zetsu pulled the trigger and teleported to the photo line. He hugged himself at first until Carmen joined in and pawed him. The tiny tiger meowed.

The Shrinkanator 9000 once again zapped the Lilliput Akatsuki and grew them into…well, Akatsuki. Zetsu teleported again and switched off the gun. He took another look at his comrades and satisfied that their size were as good as normal. "Whoo-hoo, welcome home, everybody!" White Zetsu chirped.

"Let's catch some corpse outside, shall we?" Black Zetsu persuaded.

"Right on, buddy!" Then the two-in-one bipolar vanished and was probably somewhere full of dead body.

"I'm big again!!!" Madara hugged himself.

"Yay! The elephant is not here and it's not growing with us! Tobi can still keep it!" Tobi cheered.

"Great! Now, take this, jerk!" Hidan punched Kakuzu right on the nose.

"Why you…metro sexual pest!" Kakuzu hauled Hidan and threw him out of the window—which was still closed—and broke it. He then jumped after the falling Hidan and the swearing duo dueled outside the base.

"Kisame, um…you could…let go now…" Itachi muttered.

"OH! Um, uh, I, uh…sure…" Kisame turned color from blue to violet. Itachi was in the same condition too except that his face was red instead of violet.

"Oh, ho-ho…roses are red, violets are blue…" Sasori taunted before sneering at them. "I really wish it would last longer."

"Right back at you, Sasori. Who embraced Deidara in the first place anyway? You, right? I guess we're in the same boat here." Kisame replied gingerly.

Sasori went speechless and Kisame cackled at him before high-fiving Itachi who smirked in triumph. "Nice one, Big Blue." said Itachi.

"Thanks, Red. Hey, maybe we should call ourselves like that!"

"No, thanks."

Pein appeared on the door, sweating cold and shivering in fear. He gulped while the once Lilliput Akaysuki stared blankly at him. Konan appeared behind him, panting tiredly. She raised her head and her eyes widened, "Madara? Tobi? Everybody?" she asked.

"Yo! Sorry for leaving you alone." Deidara greeted, grinning widely.

"Your ex-boyfriend there shrunk us into Lilliputs." Madara said straightforwardly.

"Ho—oh…that gun you're holding?" Konan massaged her temples.

"Exactly." Madara smiled, sweet as it looked like, but if Madara smiled sweetly, that never meant good. That was why I told you he can't smile sweet. This was why.

"Pein, is there something you need to tell?" Konan hissed.

"OK, I admit! I did shrink them with that gun just so that I can be with you, Konan! Please, come back to me!" Pein plead, putting his hands together in prayer style.

"Oh, barf, it's so cheesy…" Deidara whispered.

"_That _is why we can't go back, Pein! You act like a kid! You don't act like the Pein I used to know! Pein before all these things have happened. Pein that used to rule the entire Akatsuki!" Konan bellowed slightly. "If you change, maybe we can go back again…"

"Really?"

Konan nodded. She turned on her heels and headed towards the Akatsuki Pein shrunk few days ago. "For now…" Konan grabbed Madara's head and crashed her lips on his. Madara freaked out and struggled to let go; Tobi fainted; Itachi and Sasori twitched severely; Kisame and Deidara went 'O_o'; Hidan and Kakuzu were like "ARGH!! DIE, YOU BITCH!!!" towards each other. "Welcome home." Konan said, releasing her lips from Madara who stood stiffly in holy-shit-I'm-not-being-kissed-by-Anne-Hathaway kind of dazedness.

"You ruin my dreams." Madara said coldly, wiping his lips. "But I see the point of it." he added as he flew his gaze towards Pein. Madara's successor-also-predecessor had his Rinnegan blank white like a whitened bed sheet and had his back on the ground. His foot twitched simultaneously and red streak of liquid slavered from his nostrils.

"What, don't you ever kiss a girl before?" Konan asked naughtily. "If you haven't then it would be a great shame." she giggled darkly, "A ninety-one year-old man never kissed a single woman before…ha! That's embarrassing!"

"Actually, I did. Three different girls in the same night. And the three of them were models." Madara replied sternly. "But after that, I did never kiss a girl anymore."

"You're lying, aren't you?"

"Why do I have this assumption that he's not?" Kisame added.

"He isn't…Madara says the truth." Tobi answered as he just got up.

Kisame gaped and now it was his turn to faint; Deidara rushed to the shrugged, "You heard the boy." he said.

"Wow, not only a pervert you're also a playboy. Aren't you a typical rich bachelor?" Konan said seductively and tapped Madara's chest before leaving.

Madara stared at the departing Konan and turned to Tobi, Itachi, and Sasori. "What?" he asked. However, they all answered by humming and whistling, much to Madara's satisfaction.

* * *

"Nuh…I must have a very bad dream…" Pein groaned. He shook his head and found a pair of ninja sandals not far from where he was. He gulped as he saw the owner of the sandals. "Uh-oh…" he squeaked.

"Oh, I see you wake up!" Madara chirped. He stood and walked towards his junior ex-successor.

"Y-you want a duel with me, huh? I have Rinnegan, so you can't beat me with your Sharingan!" Pein tried to scare Madara or at least made him take back his plan.

"Who said I wanna duel? I was actually thinking of a traditional approach. You know, back in the 1920's, when I bullied my little brother, Izuna, my mom always did this to me because I'm such a bad boy. This time, I will use it on you, because you're being one." Madara crackled his fingers and his eyes flashing in vengeance.

Pein's eyes bulged and his jaws dropped in fear. The punishment then took place. The cry of Pein's agony echoed throughout the base. Sadly, no one winced or even simply cared about it. Even Tobi was too preoccupied by searching for his new pet elephant to notice that there was a scream that he usually couldn't stand.

"Ah, found it!! Senpai, Tobi found it!" Tobi said and carried the still mini elephant in his arms. In normal size, the elephant was as big as a kitten. "Yay! Tobi has a new pet! Now what to name you?"

"How about Horton?" Deidara suggested half-heartedly and mockingly.

"No, it's ugly. Tobi knows! How about Robin?"

"That's a guy's name!" Kakuzu interrupted.

"Eh? It's not a boy?"

Kakuzu simply shook his head and Tobi started searching for a new name. Then Kakuzu added, "Just don't name it from a celebrity."

"Tobi knows!" Tobi chirped, "How about Nu-nu!" Tobi cuddled Nu-nu close to his cheeks and magically Nu-nu cuddled back. Tobi's huge love must have reached Nu-nu's deepest heart!

Kakuzu and Deidara was about to open his mouth but Kakuzu shook it off and scoffed as he and Carmen went back to their room. However, Deidara just couldn't shut himself. "Great! Your stuffed bunny's name is Nay-nay and this elephant is Nu-nu! Look, they nearly rhyme!" Deidara commented before rolling his eyes.

"Welcome to Akatsuki, Nu-nu!" Tobi lift Nu-nu up in the air and cuddled her again. "Um, where's Madara?"

The ice sack juggled in his hands as he playfully threw them in mid-air. Madara spanked Pein too hard, he supposed. His hands were searing and rather painful. He was on top of the base, watching the sunset. Pein took too long being unconscious that the sun which was rising in the sky by that time had already setting. He sighed, "I don't know what you were thinking, but do that again and I'm gonna use you as a compost."

"Jeez, don't be so snide to a girl. I was just taunting Pein, gave him a lesson." Konan answered, walking towards Madara and sat beside him.

"Maybe next time if you intend on kissing me again, Henge yourself into Anne Hathaway or Liv Tyler! They are my favorite actresses in the world."

"Alright, but maybe there'll be no next time. Probably next time, I'm dating someone else." Konan said, grinning.

"Fine, be that way. As long it's not Tobi that is…"

"No, I have no taste in childish boys. He deserves better than me, anyway. He's sweet and playful, but a little too dense for now."

"He's just two years old."

Konan laughed, "A two-year-old in a ninety-one year-old body? That's funny."

"Do you mind? I'm ninety-_two_ years old, actually. I'm older than Kakuzu."

"Wow, that's even funnier…" Konan snorted and laughed, slightly annoying Madara.

"Shut up." And then Madara once again sighed, "Tobi, is there something you need to tell?"

"Is she going to be Tobi's sister?" Tobi asked, appearing behind Madara. Nu-nu was cuddled close to his chest.

"No, she's not. Relax, bro."

Tobi skipped and sat beside Madara. "Look, Madara! Tobi found Nu-nu still in Hidan-senpai's room!!"

"You call it what?" Madara asked, his eyebrows skewing.

"It's a she! And her name is Nu-nu!"

Madara barked in laughter and Tobi pouted at him behind his mask. "What the fuck kind of name is Nu-nu!? HAHAHA!! It rhymes with your stuffed bunny's name!"

"Deidara-senpai said it too…"

Madara finally stopped laughing. He still couldn't help but giggle from time to time. Konan then asked, "So, Tobi, Madara and I were talking about dating stuffs. How about you? What's your favorite kind of girl?"

"Tobi is not interested in dating yet. Tobi doesn't know many girls, anyway. Tobi would like to see more girls in Akatsuki, though. Poor Konan-chan is the only girl here! If only Carmen and Nu-nu are humans!" Tobi said sympathetically.

Konan smiled, "I don't mind being the only girl. Though having another girl sounds brilliant."

Madara stared the sky in boredom before his mind flashed with a forgotten duty. "Oh, I almost forgot! I have to hand in missions to the guys. Unfortunately, Artistic Duo has their mission starting tomorrow… See you in dinner, Tobi!"

"OK!" Tobi held Nu-nu close and stood up as well. "Tobi has to make a home for Nu-nu! See you, Konan-chan! Oh, what's dinner?"

"Your favorite."

"Hurray!!! Tobi just can't wait!"

Ah, all's well, ends well. Copied that from Kakuzu on the last chapter. Pein couldn't sit without a cushion for the next three weeks, due to Madara's '1920's Punishment' had severed his back lower cheeks. His horny side had faded too, ever since he found Madara big again. The gun was kept in Madara's secret safe in his secret attic.

The next day, Deidara and Sasori was upset with Madara for handing them a mission and started mocking the leader using the kissing incident. Madara had to use his level one punishment to force to leave and discard the memory from their heads. Ever since that, no one used the kissing incident as a mockery foundation. Only Tobi who was brave enough to use it and the kid only got a light upside-head hit. Nu-nu had her own 'elephant house' on Tobi's room corner. Gladly for Madara, Nu-nu was never noisy, unless she begged for her lunchtime.

To put it short, everything went back to normal.

_-The End-_

**Hurrah, it's finished! I have to say this one is not as good as 'I Spy' but I just can't hold myself from making and posting it! The story is too fun to write. Oh, for the next Akatsuki story, I will have an OC! Yay!!! I found this OC in my dream and it's a brilliant one. Meanwhile, enjoy Akatsuki iTunes!**

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